20 Things to Remember When Rejection Hurts
(NOTE: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our newest book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.)
Be OK with walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.
As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or from something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.
Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’ve been there.
As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected—you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.” What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is not worthy of you and your particular journey.
Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so that you can find the right ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.
Will you be bitter for a moment? Absolutely. Hurt? Of course—you’re human. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection. For a short time afterward, you will ask yourself every question you can think of:
- What did I do wrong?
- Why didn’t they care about me?
- How come?
But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way! This is the important part. Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.
Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down. Because it’s you who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention. So get off the clearance rack. And I mean right NOW! If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.
I know it’s hard to accept, but think about it…
All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some intolerant person or shallow circumstance once told us was true.
It’s time to realize this and squash the subconscious idea that you don’t deserve any better. It’s time to remind yourself that…
- The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.
- One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change, like someone else’s behavior or decisions.
- Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.
- The harsh truth is, sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller and emotionally stronger than you ever were before.
- It’s not the end of the world—it’s never the end of the world – and yet rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending.
- Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them. And sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose. Enough is enough. Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you. You deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile, someone who doesn’t take you for granted, someone who won’t leave you hanging.
- Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.
- Take a deep breath. Inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.
- You really can’t take things other people say about you too personally. What they think and say is a reflection of them, not of you.
- Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who build themselves up with the bricks others have thrown at them.
- Let your scars remind you that the damage someone has inflicted on you has left you stronger, smarter, and more resilient.
- When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so that you can better travel the path meant for you.
- You will never miss out on what is meant for you, even if it has to come to you in a roundabout way. Stay focused. Be positive.
- Rejections and naysayers aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; so don’t let them conquer your mind. Step forward! Seriously, most of us do not understand how much potential we have – we limit our aspirations to the level someone else told us was possible.
- Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. Don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you are who you are when nobody’s watching. Know this! And dare to be yourself, however awkward, different or odd that self may prove to be to someone else.
- Comparing yourself with others, or other people’s perceptions, only undermines your worth, your education, and your own inner wisdom. No one can handle your present situation better than you.
- The more we fill our lives with genuine passion and purpose, the less time and energy we waste looking for approval from everyone else.
- You can use your struggles, frustrations, and rejections to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life.
- Sometimes transitions in life mean something even better is coming your way, so embrace them and don’t be afraid to let go.
- Right now is a new beginning. The possibilities ahead are endless. Be strong enough to let go, wise enough to move forward, diligent enough to work hard, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.
All details aside, you don’t need anyone’s constant affection or approval in order to be good enough in this world. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs. So you don’t have to internalize any of it! Your worth isn’t contingent on other people’s acceptance of you. You’re allowed to be yourself. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs. You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is more than enough. And you’re allowed to let go of anyone in your life who endlessly makes you feel otherwise.
Continue Reading 1,000 Little Habits
If you appreciated the excerpt above from “1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“, I guarantee you will appreciate the rest of the book…
Sometimes we need to be reminded to actually practice the little habits that allow us to better understand and nurture the right bonds, or let go of the wrong ones. We need to be reminded to be selective in our battles, too. Oftentimes peace and love in our lives and relationships are both better than being right. We simply don’t need to attend every argument we’re invited to, especially when our sense of self-worth is on the line.
And that’s why Marc and I published “1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships”—to be that daily reminder for anyone who’s struggling to change their relationship situation for the better. It’s an inspiring touchstone filled with our best advice on overcoming relationship setbacks, letting go of anger and toxicity, fostering intimacy and trust, expressing our needs, showing gratitude, and more. Get yourself a copy of “1,000 Little Habits” now and read it with a partner, with a friend, or solo.
We’d love to hear from YOU. 🙂 In what ways have you struggled with rejection? How have you coped? Please leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
Photo by: M. Klasan